Sweet Foamy Gunk

Today our company barista outdid himself with the most delicious sweet, foamy creation I have ever experienced. Then I realized I had neglected to place an order; the double vanilla caramel cream latte thingie I was enjoying had been the desire of someone else. Perhaps the angry looking guy who had stormed out of the lunch room with a drip coffee in his hand?

I'm Lovin It

McDonald's coffee has gotten so much better ever since they changed their jingle to a more health conscious sequence of do-do-do-dos. Sitting in Biggs, overlooking the Columbia River, listening to the smooth voices of Dreams Come True while sippin an equally smooth brew of McCoffee - it put my synapses in a state of perfect synchronicity.

Free Caffeine

It must have been a slow day at Starbucks, for the barista was in the process of throwing out a couple gallons of coffee as I walked in. I didn't want to wait 20 minutes for a new brew, all I wanted was my finger tips to tingle and that could be accomplished just as well with dirty old coffee sludge. So she gave me a cup of the gunk she was cleaning out of hot pot for free. Which should of made me happy, except it still bugged me that she did not fill it all the way to the top.

Noriega Deposed

Mitt Romney now Danny Noriega, the only contestant man enough to stand up to Simon. Not satisfied with his elimination from American Idol, the federal government has jailed Danny on charges of drug trafficking, racketeering, and money laundering. This is the world we live, where the masses are incapable of recognizing the exceptional. It's like the year of the rat is gnawing on my capacitor of hope. I expect to wake-up tomorrow and learn Gossip Girl has been canceled.

World Starts Turning Again

Every year I intend to watch the Oscars and every year I forget until it is almost two-thirds over. But God loves me anyway, for I turned on the TV just as they were awarding best original song to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova for "Falling Slowly". This happened to be the most talked about, feel good moment of the show. It was made even more endearing by Market Irglova being brought back to finish her acceptance speech. The only disappointment was that she didn't finish by thanking Jon Stewart for allowing her to thank everyone.

I was also disappointed by the best-supporting results. I must admit to rooting for the sentimental favorites: Cate Blanchett for successfully redirecting her considerable sexiness towards straight females, and the venerable veteran Keith Richards for his small but impassioned performance in "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End".

Heebie Jeebie Fantasies

There are so many great talents in this year's crop of American Idol contestants. However, if there is one singer that stands out among the rest, it's gotta be Danny Noriega. He's Sanjaya with an attitude. After watching him strut his stuff last Tuesday, I haven't been able to stop dreaming of him, backed up by Lang Lang, while cutting my hair.

Your Next American Idol

Dymo with Wifi

I'm sitting in a Starbucks writing this blog on a brand new Dymo labeler. I have a very bad headache which I'm trying to drown with coffee. Unfortunately, the only way to completely rid my pain would be to get today's caffeine intake up to where my daily consumption has been the last couple of weeks. This is not possible without further beverage investments because the barista filled my cup an inch from the brim despite my saying in a loud and clear voice "NO room for cream!" I could go back and insist on the rest of the coffee I paid for, but that would be too confrontational and just make my headache worst.

Cut Me Baby One More Time

I got a haircut today. That makes ten in the last six months. It's not that I like changing my hair style, I just enjoy the whole beauty parlor experience. The smell, the conversation, the click click click of the scissors. The guy I'm currently dating says its more than that, something closer to a fetish, insinuating that hairdressers give me the heebie jeebies. He says he started shaving his head just to avoid having to 'waste' time at a barber shop. I think he is the one with a problem.

I Ain't No Obama Barack Girl

My best friend has fallen under his spell. We were suppose to go to the mall together, but when she drove by to pick me up I saw the "Obama 08" stickers plastered on her car. When I confronted her about it, she admitted "volunteering" for his "campaign". Submitting to his cult is more like it. We got in a big fight and she drove off in an indignant huff. But I can't give up on her, we've been best friends since catechism. There must be an intervention counselor specializing in deprogramming victims of the Obama movement.

If you don't believe me that it is becoming a national crises, then read recent columns by the likes of David Brooks, John Dickerson, Joe Klein, and Jake Tapper who have been using Hare Krishna, Charles Manson, and various other illusions to messianic cults in describing this perverted Obamaphillia. Then there is the website that informs you what Barack did for you today, which would be funny if the consequences of this year's election were not so gosh darn important. Truly frightening is this annunciation-isc picture of Michelle Obama that Jason Reed shot for Reuters

Proud Tina

After a week of dire tragedies - the Northern Illinois University shootings, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills back in divorce court, McCain essentially clinching the republican nomination - one event stood out to remind us that God exists. I'm referring, of course, to Sunday night's awesome rendition of "Proud Mary" by Beyonce and Tina Turner at the 50th Grammy awards show. What can I say about Tina Turner - how can a woman in her 90s retain her natural beauty, grace, and that sensual agility with which she moves around the stage. And Beyonce - the only contemporary performer with even a remote chance of keeping up. And that figure - the template for Grade A females (the only reason Beyonce's thighs look fat is that the fashion industrial complex has conditioned us to believe that walking stick figures are normal). This was a performance that should be burned into every living being's memories. Unfortunately, it is is difficult to keep an active link of this duet "due to a copyright claim by a third party".

John McCain at the Grammys

Every year I intend to watch the Grammys and every year I forget until it is almost two-thirds over. But God loves me anyway, for not two minutes after tuning in did Lang Lang appear. Heebie Jeebies Heebie Jeebies! I'm not sure who the boring black guy playing with him was and that orchestra was totally unnecessary. Nevertheless, Lang Lang's performance was definitely the highlight of the show, much of which did not make much sense. Why, for example, was John McCain there playing "Great Balls of Fire"? And who was the black guy wearing mascara sitting behind him? It definitely wasn't Barack.

They Really Like Us

All this bullocks about Americans being hated overseas is a bunch of media hooey. I lived in Japan for 11 years, working amongst people from every corner of the globe, and never once did I hear a derogatory word towards the United States. If given the chance to express their true feelings the vast majority will tell you they admire our culture, respect our foreign policy, envy our freedom, and adore our curvaceous physique.

How To End A Relationship

The cover of one of Shiina Ringo's singles shows Ringo-chan paring a piece of fruit. On the inside liner notes is a close up of what she is actually cutting and it is her thumb, she is cutting off her thumb. I'm sure this is meant to represent an involuntary penectomy. After listening to Shiina's first album I had to place her up there beside Alanis Morissette in my pantheon of relationship gurus.

GIPS

Lang Lang Love

I came across this NY Times article dishing any pianist who doesn't sit immobile like a good catholic girl in Sister Ratchet's class. The main object of ire is Chinese pianist extraordinaire Lang Lang who the author infers is sacrificing the music for the theatrics. But witness Lang Lang's passion and then tell me he doesn't give you the heebie jeebies down below. This coming from a good catholic girl.

February Grind

Wow, what a lame time of the year. And to top it all off, the prettiest presidential candidate announces he is dropping out of the race. I can't wait till Oscar night when the world starts turning again.

Ignition

The point is not to make sense but to disagree.